The Slump Breaking Blog (Blurg for Short)

            Long time no type, my blog buddies.  I know it is my fault… entirely, though I do seek someone or something to blame.  I have been in kind of a “slump” if you will.  This slump has been dragging me down for the past few weeks.  Certain events happened 2 weekends ago and it has been weighing heavy on this guy.  As of now, however, I am declaring that I am breaking free of my slump.  Casting it out like the demons in the Exorcist.  (I think that movie has a happy ending, right?)  The following blog will be a slump breaking blog.  (A blurg if you will.)  This blog will be a poem in three verses and I will also do it in iambic pentameter.  I’m kidding.  That would take a lot of work and I do believe this blog is by A Lazy Rhino.  (Emphasis on the L-A-Z-Y.) 

            Life is like a board game.  Not the board game called the Game of LIFE.  That game makes no sense in any of the metaphors and similes I will be using to compare life to board games.  Life is a game of Twister with members of the opposite sex, and they’re all related to you.  It’s a hardcore game of Agricola, in which BLAKE has the corn scoop and Miranda has all the sheep and cows.  Now your family has to resort to eating clay, which as we all know is a little less than appetizing.  But at least you’re not Chris who has to resort to eating rocks just to get his family through the long harsh winter.  Life is a game of Are You the Traitor?, where Jon halts the game and arrests the key bearer.  (Even though he should know the key bearer isn’t the traitor because he is a guard.)  It is also game of Pandemic, where you draw all the epidemic cards and lose the game in the first go around the table.  (And it’s your fault cause you shuffled the deck and ended the game.)  Life is a game of Metal Gear Solid Risk, where STEVIE uses Foxdie on Solid Snake and successfully crushing your armies afterwards.  It’s a game of Sorry!  A game that is not actually apologizing for anything, because you know your sisters aren’t actually sorry for sending you back to home for the 5 millionth time.  (Getting RFed by your own family as my DAD would say.)

            You may be asking how this could possibly break a slump.  Well, these are all tiny reminders of how much fun you had, even when you lose.  Because losing builds character.  (Or in my case shows exactly how much of a sore loser I am.)  Life is a board game, much like Formula D when Blake puts Chris in the wall and you speed by to win.  It’s being simultaneously undefeated at Betrayal at House on the Hill and The Resistance.  Life is losing at Headbands, and the ensuing argument gives you the greatest catchphrase in your short history here on Earth.  (But what do I know; I’m just Rude and Bitter.)  It’s tallying the final score of Tomb and discovering you earned 50 more xp than everyone else.  Life is calling out Uno and then winning the game, actually beating the Gatekeeper (without cheating on accident) in Atmosfear, like being house champions with Alex at Beer Pong (not a board game, but still a grand achievement), life is a Table Top RPG where you don’t get killed by a slimey mimic or a Minotaur.

            You see Blurg buddies, life can be a great many games.  It is both fun and also heartbreaking at times.  But we continue to play and learn the rules.  Even if they keep changing.  I mean, it’s not like you’re playing against a Sicilian while death is on the line.  (That is one of the classic blunders of many gamers.)  And remember no matter what game Life is, it isn’t Bananagrams.  Cause that game sucks.

 

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                     Andrew

 

 

(If you like my blog, follow me on the Twitters @ANDCauthen.  Also feel free to comment and talk about the best tabletop descriptions of your life.  Or about anything else.  Yeah!!!)

Just a Moment

            This is like a part two of my inspirational blogs.  Not that you found the last one all that inspiring.  Or at least it isn’t for me to say whether or not you did.  Don’t worry video game fans; I WILL get back to talking about games.  It is like 90% of what I talk about on Facebook anyway.  So that transition will be there… I swear it!

            This weekend passed by me quite rapidly.  I attended the very beautiful wedding of two very good friends.  (JON and LIZANNE.)  I love them both very much and I had a blast at their reception, as I am sure they did as well, and at this point are probably having an even better time on their honeymoon.  But, the entire thing (as major life events often do) got me thinking about life. 

            A simple explanation of life is a series of major moments strung together by minor moments.  However, today I really began to think about the sub-minor moments.  It is often said that it is the little things in life that get you.  Not those major moments which often live up to the earth shaking expectations you have for them.  Your wedding, your first kiss, having a child, graduation, getting your driver’s license; take your pick, they all in some way stand out in your memory whether it is good or bad.  There are even some major events that are more earth shattering.  The death of a loved one, breaking up with your significant other of so many years, the first time you’re bullied for something you can’t control, car accidents you are in, accidents you create, and every horrible thing in between.  All these things touch your life and shape you (or change you) on a fundamental level you didn’t know possible, for better or for worse.  So much so, that we forget about the little things.

            WE as a group allow these moments to define us, even though there are so many more moments we forget about.  I’m not challenging you to live in the moment.  Because I have no right to tell you how you should live or view your life (and I certainly lack the experience in living in the moment, myself).  I’m just trying to remind you about the little things.  The good stuff; hugs from a loved one, a cool glass of water on a hot day, ice cream, the patter of rain on a tin roof, or the sound of rushing water in a river.  The companionship of your dog(s), the smell of peppermints or warm cookies, and maybe even the smell of fresh cut grass.  Simple things that we forget all the time.  Simple joys that are often overlooked due to how small or often they happen.  Sometimes it’s a text from a friend right when you need it the most, and sometimes it’s just one dance.  These little things are so often considered trivial and so we forget them.  What are we if we forget these tiny moments?  The little things are the glue that holds the big things together.  They are our foundation.

            Even the bad moments are there.  From the first time you scraped your knees, or the time you were picked last to play on a team, to even an offhand remark from a person you don’t even know.  The first time you track mud through the house and get in trouble, or every single time you were (unjustly) punished with a time out or grounding.  How we let these little moments affect us is how we should be defined.  Such small and insignificant things as these, and yet they leave scars that we sometimes carry for what seems like an eternity.  It’s easier to assume the worst.  So, we leave all the good moments behind us.  They were flukes, random events in an otherwise lightless life. 

            I’m not asking you to get over these things.  The universe knows that I haven’t let go of a great deal of my past.  Many small bad moments that I allow to blot out all of the best moments.  The little things.  A lingering smile, a good book, an even better joke.  Looking across the room at the person you love, meeting their eyes and just knowing that this person is important, even if this moment with them isn’t.  We’re all just a mess of particles floating through and colliding with other messes.  And dammit if we shouldn’t enjoy every second we have, even the bad.  Feel the pain of your scrapes or the empty feeling in your chest and stomach after he/she departs from your life.  Feel the music as it plays inside your heart or as you march to the beat of your drum.  The next moment may be huge, or it may be smaller even than the one before.  But it is your moment.  Cherish that you have it.  Every ache is a reminder that you are still alive, and every great moment is one that reminds you why you endure those aches.  Every smile and kiss.  Every time you hold hands or hug each other.  These are your moments.  All of them.  From those that shape your life to those are often lost in between.  They are yours.  And we shouldn’t want it any other way.

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino, CEO

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like my blog, follow me on the Twitters @ANDCauthen.  I’m don’t tweet often, but I update people on this blogging I’ve been doing.)

Open Up That Brand New Normal-Box

            I know blog buddies; it has been a bit since my last post.  Suffice to say I was busy with stuff.  Not just any normal stuff… well… actually it was pretty normal stuff.  I mean… normal for me.  But what is normal?  I think the humor that is the comedy of life, is that everyone has created what is supposed to be a certain level of normal that we all download and abide by.  If you don’t meet that level of normal, you’re weird:  whether you are too normal, or not normal enough. 

            All of my life people have been telling me what normal is.  I have strived for it.  Worked hard and proceeded towards a “normal” life.  I don’t like their version of normal.  And that is really all that it is.  Their version of normality that we don’t all quite reach at the end of the day.  Some people have told me I’m weird, some have said I’m boring, and some more have said I’m a good guy.  (And some have said far worse.)  I’ve never been one to except compliments (or insults) because what if their version of a good guy isn’t the same as mine.  They might not uphold the same values of what good means to me.  What if I’m not their kind of normal?

            I think of normal as perception.  I perceive my own person at a certain level of my own version of normal.  (I like to call it Normal-Drew v2.21.  It’s still a work in progress.)  But aren’t we all works in progress?  That is the beautiful thing about life.  That we are allowed to perceive it in any manner with which we choose.  (Insert clever government and scientology jab here.)  I think where we as people begin to go wrong, is that we have some weird necessity to make everything fit into our normal-box.

            It doesn’t fit though.  We are all souls of thousands of different shapes and colors and consistencies.  The world doesn’t fit into our normal-boxes.  And it is truly a beautiful thing.  Not everyone feels the way I feel about it.  There are bunches of people who don’t.  (Insert customary political rambling here.)  They believe that if we don’t fit naturally into their normal-box, we should be forced to fit.  (Broken down, shave a little off the side, take a little off the top, and remove the excess fat.)  Like we as individuals are supposed to strive for their version of normal, and disregard everything else that makes us who we are, and more than that, makes us human beings.  Those little imperfections that make us all so unique and quite frankly perfect.

            Then, there are those of us who don’t feel like they can fit the world into their normal-boxes, and that means that they don’t have a place in the world.  I know that feeling.  That lost feeling, those haze of memories (always bad) that captivate your mind.  A recovering alcoholic told me once, that it is the nights that get you.  During the day, you stay so busy that sometimes you even forget that you’re alone.  You’re surrounded by people and conversations and the formal (and informal) exchange of ideas.  The constant chatter of a million things going on at once.  All those colorful and extravagant souls constantly running into one another at blinding speeds creating an explosion of brilliant light.  But at night, in the quiet.  You find yourself in bed, listening to the hum of your fan, feeling the cold and empty sheets next to you, and looking out into the darkness that is your ceiling.  It’s those long nights.  Sometimes you can’t sleep, and all you can do is sit with yourself and face hard truths, with no one around to offer a rebuttal.  You’re left with nothing but empty thoughts, unanswered questions, and the need to escape. 

            I think most of us feel that we don’t fit.  I know I do.  I’ve had those sleepless nights, and there are times when I wanted to force others to fit into my normal-box.  But that isn’t what life is about.  I believe that people should be free to think whatever they want.  To feel anything they want to feel.  I believe that is why we call it free will.  It is not a right; it is our nature.  Sometimes we can only fit one soul into our normal-box.  There will be times when we can fit many.  There are going to be souls you want to keep with you forever, but they can’t always fit, and you have to let them go.  Life is not a line; it is a circle, where we all walk the Earth and discover that there is more beauty in the world.  We live through those sleepless nights, so that we can rest in the arms of someone we love later on.  And we will come back around to those sleepless nights, after loved ones have left us.  But we’ll remember then what it felt like to be held.  To sleep quietly in the night and to smile.  To look across the room, see that face, and smile.  It isn’t that laugh at a joke smile, or that pleased with how your day went smile.  No, it is the smile of knowing happiness and being unable to stop yourself from feeling it crawl across your skin.  You can’t stop the tidal wave of happiness that flows from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  Happiness happens to us all, and so does sadness.  Life isn’t the perfect amount of either.  We have to make do with what we get.  And remember to how to smile when things always seem to go wrong.

            So here is the challenge for us all.  Open up your version of normal.  Download a few patches, and send in your bug reports.  Make sure you get a good firewall to keep your OS safe.  Get the proper virus software, and run thorough system scans, so your version of normal can always be at its optimal running speed.  Enjoy the beauty.  It doesn’t last forever, but if you do it right, it runs for just as long as you need it to.

 

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino, CEO

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like this blog, or any of my other ones, follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen.  Feel free to comment and tell me how I’m doing.) 

And All Shall Bow Before the Grilled Cheese Overlords

            I was thinking about the Sims this week.  I reminisced about all the good times I had playing the game.  AND how frustrating the simulated life is portrayed.  It’s like they wanted to draw real world parallels from the game and actual life.  Maybe it’s in the title.  Or maybe, just maybe it is in all of us… or I have no idea.  I just wanted to talk about the Sims.  (Don’t judge me.)

            The Sims games have such an interesting premise.  You create a character and they interact with a home that you build for them.  And after hard work and perseverance, they will rise up in the world and become The President… something like that anyway. 

            But what I like most about the Sims is that first day.  Everything feels so new.  Your Sim is dropped into a world of wonder.  They are finally on their own.  They can do whatever they want to.  The simulated world is their tomato, made to order however they like.  It is akin to an actual person moving in on their own.  And seeing this wondrous new world laid out for them, like a new pair of pants.  This is the feeling most people get when they first begin to exist without the help of their parents.  The tingling your body feels right before the soul crushing moment when you realize financial independence isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. 

            Your Sim doesn’t know those feelings however.  They only know that they want to watch T.V. on the new set, sit on the new couch, and maybe after a little while make themselves a grilled cheese sandwich.  So, your Sim goes to the kitchen and begins to prepare a grilled cheese sandwich.  They prep that bad boy/girl and get it ready to heat it up.  Your Sim turns on the brand new stove; not the really expensive one you wanted, but the one that would get the job done.  Makin’ that grilled cheese.  Because your Sim is brand new to this world, they do not know how to cook.  In fact, they have no discernible skill set at all.  They are much like an infant Sim in an adult Sim’s body.  It begs the question of what they have been doing for the past few Sim years when they were at Sim University, or Sim Community College.  (Probably a lot of Sim Beer Pong and the minimum amount of Sim studying.) 

            The game has a weird way of portraying your Sim not knowing how to cook.  It basically increases the chances of starting a fire by like 100%.  If the Sim even looks over at the kitchen I think there is like a 46% chance of the character just bursting into flames.  May have to fact check that one.  So, back to the grilled cheese your Sim desperately wanted.  The little dickens turns that stove on and the grilled cheese sizzles to life.  Then, the life it sizzles to transforms into a wild fire.  At first just the stove catches fire.  The countertop follows soon after that.  Your fridge becomes engulfed next.  And you loved that fridge.  It was so reasonably priced.  As your kitchen is set ablaze, you wonder how things could have been different.  If you had known that putting a fire alarm over the stove would call the Sim Fire Department, you may have done that.  But how could you know?  You’re as new to this simulated life as the character you created.  An infant god sent to control the life of a being with no sense of self preservation.  Instead of going to the phone to call for help, your Sim will start off the by dancing and screaming at the fire.  As though they could shout it out.  Realistically, it looks like a person praising the rise of their grilled cheese sandwich overlord.  The Overlord has finally come to save the world from the plight of the Sims.  (The only way of course being a baptism by fire.) 

            As your small minded character dances next to the fire and screams, helpless to stop the growing threat, they begin to catch fire as well.  And in that first day, you finally became an adult.  You lived a real life situation.  You also died… for a grilled cheese sandwich.  I know, so much like real life.  In fact, I’m dying for a grilled cheese right now.  That is beside the point. 

            However frustrating the Sims can be, it mostly makes me feel bad about myself.  Because, no matter how stupid your Sim starts out, they can master entire skill sets and career tracks in a matter of weeks.  It kind of makes you wonder what you might be able to accomplish in a week.  (Instead of playing The Sims.)  You could be a rock star, a master chef, the President, or even a grand wizard.  (Well, the first three are a little iffy, but the wizard thingy… go with that!) 

            Such is the simulated life.  I could probably master the guitar if I could speed through the practice process like they can.  All of that aside, the game really does make you wonder what you’re doing wrong sometimes.  Then you remember that you haven’t created anyone else, so he is playing to an audience of no one in his/her rock shows.  Giving the State of the Simunion address to an entire coliseum of emptiness.  Of a country that elected a man who couldn’t make a grilled cheese sandwich two weeks ago.  Now I don’t feel as bad.  I think the main lesson learned from the Sims is… anyone can be President if everyone else dies making grilled cheese sandwiches.

                                                                                                LAZY Rhino (CEO)

                                                                                                            Andrew

 

(If you like my blogs follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen.  Also feel free to talk about your favorite Sim moments in the comments section.  The Sim moments will now be known as Simoments.  Love that word fusion.  Now roll that beautiful bean footage.)

The Complexity of Morality (or How to be Dick to Your Friends)

                Hello again Blog readers!  I’ve made it pretty clear where I sit on the video games as a hobby and as generally one of the activities I enjoy a great deal more than other activities. (Work for instance.)  But I also look at video games as an art form.  Today, I’m specifically talking about the art of storytelling and how the creators of said stories use morality. 

            For those of you with no moral compass (or who don’t have a dictionary); morality is a doctrine or system of moral conduct or conformity to ideals of right human conduct.  I like that games have been putting a growing amount of morality issues into games.  From the traditional Good V.S. Evil to the less traditional question of what is Right and Wrong.  And through interactive gameplay, we as the gamer get to experience these questions in a less formal and more captivating medium.  Where books and lessons can tell you a great deal about history, games have the ability to allow you to play both sides of the coin of moral conduct.

            Where to begin…  Well, the easiest place to start is the questions of good and evil.  Many games run on a system where you know you’re good.  How do you know?  You’re the hero.  (The Marios and the Links and the Samuses of the gaming world)  You are the person who makes it from point A to point B to stop the villain.  How do you know the person you’re trying to stop is the villain?  Because they often wear black?  Because they often capture people and hold them hostage?  Because they often try to destroy the world?  Yeah.  On a basic level, that is the only way for you to tell.  You as a character journey to stop them.  The villain wants to do bad things.  But, sometimes YOU are the villain (The Bowsers and Robotniks of the digital domain).  And it is made just as clear as starting a game to be the hero.  All the same questions are asked, but in reverse.  You do all the bad things, and it is fun to see the other side of the track.  To stop the Marios of the world from saving the princes/princesses.  I will not say I don’t enjoy games like these.  I really do.  They are the foundation of my gaming youth.  They lack creativity however, and are not always focused on the story as much as they are focusing on enjoyable gameplay.  Where the storyline is just a side factor.

            What if you don’t know if you’re the good guy?  Humor me for a bit.  What if you actually think you’re the good guy?  The very critically acclaimed game, Braid, asked that very same question of us, as the gamer.  Spoilers:  you go the entire game believing that you are the hero come to save the princess.  By the end of the game you discover that she has been running from you.  You aren’t the hero.  But because your character is in love, they believe themselves to be the hero.  WTF?!  This game’s ending really begins to make you question the possibilities in games and their storytelling capabilities.  Heck, the ending of Braid makes you question if you are the “good” guy in every other game where you chase after another person who has been “kidnapped”. 

            Good and Evil is sometimes used as a choice system in the game.  Your character can be either/or.  The main objective of the game doesn’t change, because your character decides how they will get the job done.  Sometimes it is actually the difference between being good or evil.  Like in the Fable series.  Though it doesn’t change the major aspects of the game, it does add a flavor to the story.  And it changes the way you perceive the story at hand.  Bioware does the light side/dark side play in many (if not all) of their RPGs.  Like Mass Effect, where you aren’t specifically good or evil, but a Paragon or a Renegade.  Your choices split between what the right thing to do is, and whatever it takes to achieve your ultimate goal.  Some games do the choice between the two very well, like Fable 3.  Once you’re the King/Queen in Fable 3, you are asked to keep promises you made to your friends in the rebellion.  On the other hand, if you go around only doing the right thing, the good thing, you will not be able to afford to pay the soldiers to fight off the darkness that is coming to destroy the world.  You may survive, but if you don’t say no to handouts to the people every now and then, everyone else dies.  Some games do the choice between the two very poorly… like Mass Effect!

            Let me first explain that I love the games. The Mass Effect series was great!  (Up until Mass Effect 3’s ending… Bleck!).   But there is a huge balance issue in the first game on the Renegade system versus the Paragon system.  A Paragon Commander Shepard finds a way to pretty much save everyone.  Always (Almost).  As long as you aren’t bad at the game, you won’t have to kill a single person who doesn’t attack you the second they see you.  Being more charming and just being a better person yields no actual sacrifice in the game, like their advertisements may lead you to believe.  There are never any moments where being a Paragon isn’t beneficial to you:  from being better to your crew and them liking you more to even earning two of the characters affection.  In fact the only time being a Paragon requires you to do any sacrificing it’s of one of the other crewmates on your team.  You may lose other teammates if you’re a dick to them however.  And trust me; that is really the ONLY difference between the Renegade choices and the Paragon choices.  Apparently Mass Effect’s definition of Renegade is a homicidal maniac that we have to rely on to save the galaxy.  You can often talk people down from situations and more good stuff happens to you if you do this (whilst playing as a Paragon).  When you’re a “Renegade” your options are kill people or threaten to kill people.  Oh yeah!  And be dick to your crew for (literally) no reason.  They will come up and tell you how happy they are, and if you want to be a real Renegade, you are just mean to them.  You slap the happy right out of their mouths.  It would make a little more sense if being a Renegade yielded some form of results (that Paragon doesn’t) at the cost that is often their life.  But, being a Paragon never has to make a tough decision.  (Except the choice between Kaiden and Ashley… ooo so hard… they both kind of suck as far as characters go).  The game’s real moral decisions are; do you want to be a good person, or do you want to shoot as many people between here and the end of the game as physically possible. 

            In truth, Bioware did a better job with Dragon Age: Origins.  Where you bolster an army of whatever races you can to fight off a coming evil.  With more complex moral choices of creating incredibly strong golems at the price of dwarven souls, or having werewolves to fight for you instead of freeing them from their curse and letting them turn back into normal people.  These choices just seem like they hold more weight, and they make you think more about what you’re willing to do to win the war.  It makes you feel truly desperate to stop the oncoming threat, because of your willingness to sacrifice the freedoms of other people to do so.  The cool part being that you don’t actually have to, but you don’t have as strong of an army if you don’t.  (Showing the actual difference between sacrifice and just bad game balancing) 

            There are so many games now that pose even deeper questions then good and evil.  Appropriately, in Beyond Good and Evil, you follow Jade who seeks truth above the all else.  You watch from the side of the inbetweeners.  Characters caught in the struggle between two sides that both see themselves as right.  It makes you ask, “What about the people who suffer while other people war on for what they want?”  Sometimes you even get your answers.

What is Good?  What is Evil?  Or is it just a difference of Perception?  Is it okay to go to extremes to save millions?  How far can you go and still look in the mirror and see a good person?  Do the ends always justify the means?  Morality and all of the complexity of it will continue to grow in the game industry.  Or you’ll just end up being a dick to your crew.  Who knows?

                                                                        LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                    Andrew

(If you like my blog follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen.  You can also leave a comment about your own opinions of the games I mentioned.  Or about other games where you felt your moral compass spin.  Have a great day and game on!)

Ann is the Worst (A Harvest Moon 64 Recollection)

           Those of you who do not know are bound to find out eventually.  So, I guess I will spill the beans on the whole situation.  I love the Nintendo 64.  And I am pretty sure my sisters do as well.  There is one game in general that we all loved (fairly equally I think).  That game is the one and only Harvest Moon 64.  Now, OLIVIA and ELENA have become absolutely pro at the game.  Not sure any of us were that good at it back in the day (or maybe it was just me). 

            For anyone who has never played a Harvest Moon game, there is a point in the game where you can marry someone in the village.  In Harvest Moon 64 that is Maria (the Mayor’s Daughter), Elli (the Bakery Girl), Popuri (the Flower Shop Owners’ Daughter), Karen (the Daughter of the Vineyard), and… Ann (the Daughter from the Green Ranch).  There are many reasons to get married.  In real life and in the game! 

            But since I lack the ability to actively talk about real life marriage, we’ll talk about my inability to comprehend video game marriage instead!  Won’t this be fun?  You bet it will (maybe).  Now let us begin!

            I will first explain that my sisters did a very good job of getting a lot of things right on their first try through the game.  There are many things that can happen during the game that are permanent events.  (I.E. Karen leaving, Cliff leaving, Kai leaving, Grandma dying, animals dying due to lack of food and medicine, and even typhoons and stuff)  I seemed to draw the short straw on having all these things happen to me first.  They were warned far in advance by my failures.  My first run through of the game was really rough… You have no idea.  I didn’t know how to make money off of things.  I had no long term financial plans.  My dog didn’t eat for years (this never seemed to bother him, as he would still just piss on my floor like it weren’t no thang).  So, with all these failures riding on me, I decided to marry Ann.  Cause, why not.

            A quick rundown of the beautiful ladies of Harvest Moon 64:  Maria, Elli, and Popuri are considered some of the easiest gals in the game to love and show affection to.  They don’t have expensive tastes in things.  Courting them is relatively simple as you shower them with cheap gifts that raise their affection towards you at a reasonable rate (affection is shown as a small heart down in the right hand corner of the conversation box when you speak to them).  Karen is pretty picky and really only like’s things you can get for her in the Fall (apparently she kind of likes tomatoes).  So she is considered to be one of the harder girls to pursue.  And Ann… oh Harvest Goddess... why did I choose Ann?  We’ll get back to her in a bit.

            The short term benefits of marriage!  Always what you should think about before getting married.  Each bachelorette does stuff for you on your farm.  Maria pulls weeds and crates eggs, Elli feeds the chickens and crates eggs, Karen crates eggs (sometimes she drops one), and Popuri waters your plants and feeds the chickens.  (Again, we’ll get to Ann in a second).  Now a warning in advance to all of you who think Popuri sounds like the most useful, she only waters your plants in the fields.  She doesn’t go in the green house… for some reason I don’t really know.  AND she only waters some of the spaces in the field.  Not really that many at all.  Not to mention the fact that she will water the space even if there is no plant in it.  So, basically she creates mud for you… if that is what you’re in to.  And at a glance, Karen may seem to be the most useless.  She even costs you money in that one broken egg.  This may be true by statistics standards.  But you have yet to hear about Ann… Ugh…

            Ann has incredibly expensive tastes and therefore is harder to woo.  Once you’ve finally (and I do mean FINALLY!) gotten a Pink Heart of Affection with her and you finally marry her, you might suspect that your hard work will pay off.  I mean she is a damn ranch hand for Harvest Goddess’s sake!  She should be the most useful wife at least!  Now, I expected her to take care of the animals for me.  Show them some love.  I don’t think I ever saw her go in the barn.  I recently discovered that she apparently every now and again will feed your chickens and crate their eggs.  It may just have been my game, but she didn’t do anything.  It was like she was just bumming around all the time!  I mean, I understand not wanting to work, believe me.  But this was too much.  And she seemed pleased as punch not to do anything, AND tell me how much she liked doing nothing on my farm!  You can imagine my distaste when I saw my sisters marrying girls who loved their characters.  Taking wives who wanted to help their farm prosper.  And I was stuck with Ann… guhhhhhhhh…

            I’ll admit it may just have been bad luck on my part as far as the game goes.  Maybe it was because I didn’t understand the rules of the game.  My tragedy did seem to be self-inflicted.  But here is the kicker, one of my animals died at random.  Just out of the blue.  I was distraught, but a country boy will survive…  But heaven forbid my wife be there for me in my time of need.  No, the next day when I spoke with her, she actually liked me less.  I didn’t think it was possible.  But her affection level was one whole point lower than what is required to marry her.  WHAT?!  So you’re telling me everything up to this point has been love?!  Son of a…

            Just so you understand why Ann is the worst; if Cliff stays in town and the two of them fall “in love,” she abuses him.  That’s right folks; she beats the nicest homeless guy in town (maybe second nicest, the Fisherman is pretty cool).  There you have it, she’s the worst.  Again, this is all just from my experience in the game.  I’m sure others have wed Ann and had great experiences.  I’m getting Harvest Moon flashbacks.  So… traumatic…

                       

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like my blog, follow me on the Twitters @ANDCauthen.  Or not.  It’s on you.)

Fun Times in Steelport

            I spent the last week playing Saint’s Row IV.  I am gonna be honest with you internet.  It.  Was.  AMAYAYAYZING!  So much so, that I decided to tell everyone.  If you’re my Facebook friend, you have already been beaten over the head with how much I have enjoyed this game.  Do I recommend it?  Strongly.  That is of course if you like humorous games where you can jump/run around the city with super powers.  So yeah, play it if you enjoy fun. 

            I’m obviously a bit biased, especially as of late.  I have been playing a lot of games that put humor and pop culture references into their story.  From Triple A titles like Borderlands 2 to the Indie game Gunpoint.  It seems I have become smitten by the humor infused within these games.  It reminds me for a brief moment that it is okay to laugh again. 

            This may be the root of why I like Saint’s Row IV.  It also may have something to do with loving Saint’s Row the Third.  A game that is so outrageous on its own that the only way to top it is to add super powers to your character.  (And to make that character the President of the United States).  I know… I know… it all makes perfect sense now.  We’re all saying that now. 

            One of the things I do enjoy most about the game, actually, is the fact that the super powers do feel so much like a natural transition for the game series.  After playing it, you may even wonder why it hadn’t happened sooner.  The gameplay feels so natural with it incorporated into the game.  The game also gave me things to play with that I didn’t know I wanted.  Like a Dubstep Gun.  Who knew that I wanted a Dubstep Gun.  Cause I sure as hell didn’t know.  Not to mention the countless Sci-Fi references made as if they are the most normal thing in the world.  They even have Captain Mal’s pistol as a customizable option!  I know!  That alone is worth a nod.  I could probably talk about everything I love about the game for hours.  But I won’t keep you that long.

            In fact, I just want to go about saying that I would like to see more games like it.  Not specifically with the super powers, and the open world gameplay (Though they were done in top form).  Just more games that embrace such a comical standpoint on the world of video games.  They even poke fun at their own game history. 

            I won’t say I don’t enjoy a serious game that marvels at the capabilities of their engine and the groundbreaking writing.  But there is something to be said for a game that was made for the sole purpose to be fun.  To be enjoyed by people all over.  Well written, and also well executed.  The video game industry is flourishing.  With that, I hope to see more games that embrace humor in their storytelling and in their gameplay. Of course not at the expense of said gameplay.  We still want it to be good. 

                                                                                               

                                                                                                LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                            Andrew

(If you enjoy reading my blog, feel free to follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen.  Where I talk about how much I miss my sisters, and other stuff.  Like video games!  Also feel free to leave a comment.  I would love to hear what games you think did humor right or where they go wrong.)

Old School

            So, I was sitting around drinking with the ROOMIES when I was hit with the sudden urge to share my life and opinions with people who probably don’t really care.  Hopefully, if I am funny enough, you guys and gals will keep coming back for more!  More more more!  Well, now that you understand why I am approximately 30 years late to the blog game… where to begin.

            My name is ANDREW, for those of you who don’t know me and don’t happen to be sympathy reading this blog:  I am an avid video gamer.  I also do other stuff, like write a blog!  And lately I’ve been doing a lot of YouTube watching.  Hmmm… not much more to tell that you won’t learn about me (or don’t already know). 

            A few weeks back, after a couple hours at Chili’s with two of my Roommates, we three conquerors sat down and began to play old NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) games on ALEX’s Retron.  Alex is one of the roommates (now former) that I was speaking of.  The other is CHRIS.  Chris is my best friend and also (former) roommate.  If you’re wondering why I capitalized the first time I wrote their names, it’s a script writing thing to indicate an important introduction of a character.  So, since the people I will mention in my blogs are important to me, they will be capitalized the first time I ever mention them. 

            Alex, Chris, and I started off the night playing Spider-Man: The Return of the Sinister Six.  Where you play as Spidey, and you guessed it, you fight the Sinister Six.  The game lacked a lot of the Spider-Man powers you expect in a Web Head game; like web slinging.  Now we didn’t get very far, we beat Electro.  Then, in the second stage where you’re chasing Sandman, all three of us fell in a hole that you can’t get out of, because Spider-Man is easily trapped in holes and can’t ever get out of them.  Proven by all the times it didn’t happen in the comics.  It must have been a bathtub or something. 

            Needless to say, we quit playing that to play Batman!  Who I might add was far more agile than Spider-Man, and was very well represented in his game.  Alex played first and died horribly.  Then Chris played, and then I played, and I got the farthest to start by learning from their mistakes.  The game was really enjoyable.  It might have been the beer, or even the nostalgia of it all.  Batman rocked!  The flipside to this is that the game’s difficulty spiked after the first level.  And not just a little bit.  It went directly into testing all the skills you were forced to master in the first level.  It was gaming at its finest.  I don’t know how closely the storyline mirrored the movie as I suppose it was marketed.  Since, in the third level we fought a ton of Battle Toadesque enemies who were all pretty much unstoppable.  I didn’t even try. 

            We ended the night playing Dr. Mario.  Now, I’m personally unaware of the school Mario attended to obtain said doctorate.  But, I know he is a doctor that caters to one of two specific problems.  If you have a fever or the chills, he will prescribe the right pill.  Unless you’re Alex or Chris who probably killed more patients than I can count.  For those who don’t know Dr. Mario on the NES, it is akin to Tetris.  The difference being that you only play until you have eliminated all the viruses in your bottle.  And it has versus mode.  Another fact you may be lacking is that I am quite good at Dr. Mario.  Not because I like puzzle games, or because I like Tetris (Hated It!).  When I was but a young lad, my sisters (3 to be precise) and I used to play against my MOTHER.  She is a super Dr. Mario Amadeus.  We had to get good and we had to get good fast if we wanted to actually eliminate a couple of viruses before she piled a ton of useless pill pieces on us.  It was bitter sweet to take Alex and Chris respectively to the cleaners.  When the other Roomies (also former) came home from their respective nights, even my drunk sister (MIRANDA) was better than Chris and Alex.  So this one goes out to Mom; thank you Mom, for making me better than Chris at a game (Finally).

            That night reminded me of the good old days.  A time when games were simple and to the point.  From point A to point B.  No tutorials, no helping hands, just a lot of failed attempts at success.  And eventually the sweet satisfaction of a job well done. 

                                                                                                            LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                                                    Andrew

 

(If you enjoyed my first blog, feel free to follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen or just keep reading my blog!  Also if you have an old school game you love feel free to leave the name in the comments section.  And even tell me what you liked about it!)