Not Sure How to Get Back on the Horse I Fell Off of a While Back

            Time to dust off the old keyboard and start rocking out to Nico Vega.  Believe you me… believe me you…  Not sure, just deal with it.  Back on the blog to talk out to the 13 or so readers I have.  Maybe more, maybe less.  Not sure, I’ve dealt with it.  I’m Wilson in Don’t Starve, fighting to make that sweet science in this purgatory we call life.  Where am I going with this… not sure…

            Going to make a board game.  Going to make a video game.  Public declaration… going to do it all.  Thought about quitting for a while.  Just giving up.  Always think about it.  Must not really want to give out, because I haven’t stopped breathing yet.  Watched Zac Efron in Neighbors… dood is hot.  Kinda jealous…  Not sure…  When did people get so pretty?

            Can’t really say where this will go.  Just here to sit down and write again.  Just shake off the flakes and break out of the ice.  Feeling so alien to the world right now.  Possibly because I’m listening to Katy Perry.  (E.T. for the win.)  She speaks to me.  Not for real.  (That’d be pretty cool, though.)  We’re all a little weird on the inside.  Kinda squishy…  Yeah.  That’s the truth.  Killing time while I do laundry. 

            So many shows I like were cancelled.  That must be the price for not having cable.  Ratings systems these days really suck.  They don’t account for everything.  Why does something have to be rated to be “good” anyway?  Can’t we just sit and enjoy something at our own pace.  It’s always a right here, right now mentality.  That constant go go go.  It is tiring.  Or EXHAUSTING if you want to get dramatic. 

            Let that smooth jazz flow through you.  Too much improv?  Don’t worry, they’ll write it all down next generation.  Or so that guy at the bar says.  Who knows?  I don’t think he even plays an instrument.  The social measurement system is getting so cumbersome.  The standards of this society are boring me.  Want to get away, but can’t afford to leave.  What’s the deal with airplanes anyway?  Oh yeah, that whole flying thing.  It seems a treacherous mistress… but I want to sail on a boat.  The ocean feels liberating.  Might feel different if I could fly a plane.  Not sure, that’s a future discussion.

            Last time I checked, needed licenses and degrees for everything these days.  Where is the obvious path to a destination?  Or is it always so convoluted?  Probably the latter.  Definitely expensive.  No “probably” about the lightening of my wallet.  Not like the money I have is going towards anything permanent anyway.  So, no use in complaining about a corrupt economic system these days.  Everyone seems to have one.  Like an opinion… or an STD…  Not sure that’s how that saying goes…  Eh…

             I’ve got a fever, the only prescription is self-medication.  Health care is so affordable now, I can’t afford to be bothered.  Who sets the price of medicine?  When did it become more important to discover ways to make pills to get paid instead of more important discover the cure to the disease?  Can’t make money off a cure.  Treatment is where the real monetary compensation is at.  Learned that one when they cured the common cold. 

            Put this track to some heavy stuff, like Short Change Hero.  Feels like a round of TowerFall against Chris.  A lot of losing, and sometimes you get smashed into the dirt.  That’s alright though, another round starts in a few seconds.  Can’t give up that easy, right?  We know the problems.  It just takes a group of people to solve the problems another group of people created.  Can’t see a problem with that system.  It’s basically the perfect system. Checks and Balances.  Wasn’t that a thing?  Not sure… we’ll just have to do better next round.

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino “UFO”

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like this or any of my other posts feel free to follow me on Twitter @ANDCauthen or just continue to watch out for more blogs.  I’m going to try and produce more content as to be a more entertaining and gracious host.)

Comics and Movies and Stuff

            Welcome back, Blurg buddies!  How are things on the other side of the LAZY Rhino tracks?  I expect things are going well for all of you!  (And you want to meet my expectations, at least… right?  Right!)  I too am doing well.  But enough about me…  Let’s get down to business.  I haven’t done an overtly nerdy blog/blurg for you all lately.  And I know that is what you want me to talk about!  All of you!  NO exceptions!

            So, I’m a comic book fan.  I can’t say that I am hardcore, and I will admit that I don’t know a lot of what goes on in the comic book universes of Marvel and DC respectively.  If I had to list my favorite characters, the list would be short and would consist of Marvel characters only.  DC is great and all, but lately they focus on Batman and Superman way too much.  And I think that it is just kind of annoying. 

            Speaking of Marvel, they have a ton of new movies coming out!  Pretty excited about all of them.  (Like, very seriously excited.)  That being said, there is apparently uproar from comic purists about the new Fantastic Four cast.  Johnny Storm is going to be… (Heaven forbid) black.  There was a lot of internet chatter about Spider-Man being played by Donald Glover for the 2012 Amazing Spider-Man.  And I originally didn’t want that to happen.  (I know, I am the worst.)  But, I realized that I didn’t want Donald Glover to be Peter Parker because I wanted to be Peter Parker.  I wanted to play Spidey.  Of course, I’m not famous so they sent the casting call to that other Andrew.  (Garfield or whatever.) 

            I think the issue, like many of the things in the world today, is that people once again are creating a nonissue out of it.  If Michael B. Jordan was cast, then he fulfilled the acting, personality, and appearance requirements set by the people making the movie.  The “purists” out there probably don’t understand that the movies are never going to be exactly the same as the comic books.  They are not the same media, and therefore are subject to the creativity of the person who is placed in charge of the content by the respective movie studios who now own the filming rights.  If you want the comic book story…  buy the comic books.  If you want the big screen adaptation, see the movie.  (Adaptation is the key word here.) 

            Now, I will say this.  I have an issue with the cast of the Fantastic Four.  Where is Michael Chiklis?!  He is the first BEST casting choice made by the fledgling Marvel Studios.  (Followed by JK Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson, who is followed by RDJ’s Tony Stark, who is followed by Tom Hiddleston’s Loki.)  I say that he is the first best choice because it just feels like a role that Chiklis was unknowingly created to play.  (The same goes for JK, RDJ, and Hiddleston.)  He was the perfect Thing.  The only really good “thing” about the first 2 FF movies.  (Because let’s face it, I hated those movies.) 

            I’m not a huge Fantastic Four fan to begin with and I have a preferred character list from the Marvel universe.  That being said, I’m pretty excited to see what they do with new Fantastic Four.  The cast still feels a little too young.  But, I’m sure I’ll get over that if the movie is still done well.  And I think we will all get over the fact that comic books and movies are not always identical.  And that it is a good thing. 

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino “CQC”

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like this, or hate it, follow me on Blogger or on Twitter @ANDCauthen.  Because we do have fun here.  Trust me, if it hasn’t been fun yet, I’m sure it will get there.  I’ll be trying to put more and more content out on the interwebs.  I thank you as you stand by me while I come into my form, and figure out what I’m doing here.  And it can only get better.)

Funsplodin' 2014

            Welcome Rhinos and Rhinettes, to my fabulous Blog about nothing in particular!  (And yes, I did add Rhinettes to my computer dictionary.  You should too!)  I am still hoping that the cross traffic of people searching for a blog about lazy rhinoceros or anything else rhino related will bring them to my blog and up my page views.  (MUAHahaha!  All the web traffic!)  For now I will have to hope that you who read this find it as entertaining and uplifting and wonderful as I can possibly make it. 

            I was gonna write some sob stuff about myself this morning.  But…  I’m over all that crap now.  Time to get down to the real deal, good news bears.  Next year, I’m going to HAWAII!!!  One whole week of awesome sauce mixed with Aloha seasoning, brought to a simmer and served to perfection.  It’s going to be a tropical fusion of fantastisism that metastasizes to my brain region and causes a funsplosion in my gray matters.  (I’m sure you noticed, but I am pretty excited about it.)

            I will be going with (currently) 3 very awesome people.  AARON, a person whom I have known literally forever.  (We’re brothers really.)  His beautiful lady friend, BIANCA.  (At least she said she was coming, so I’m holding her to it.)  And KATIE, she is a person I met at Molly’s Pub.  Katie likes to pretend that she is really surly and abrasive.  (Don’t tell anyone, Aaron and I know that she is secretly a sweetheart.)

            The trip is one of 3 things that I am really looking forward to.  The following are also getting me pretty jazzed on the juices of life.  (Not JUST alcohol juice if you were wondering.)  Very soon I will also be starting my Vlog and Podcast!  EEEEEK!  We’ll pretend my wimpy little scream is far more impressive and very heroic.  (Much akin to a mighty HUZZAH!)   If this is exciting you as much as it is me, this will be happening close to the first half of March!  So, tell your friends, your family, your family’s friends, your friend’s families; us LAZY Rhinos are invading the internet.  Like the Dread Pirate Roberts, there will be no survivors!  (You are here, but soon you will not be here!)

            And lastly, one of the most exciting things of all…  (Drumroll please.)  I will be getting back into Animation!  The only thing I actually enjoyed doing in college.  (Before Criminal Law which I will admit is pretty interesting.  But after taking naps… Because naps in class were awesome.)  I have to actually focus more on school though.  Not like the last time, admittedly not my best showing of increasing my Intelligence stat.  And even better, I’m gonna talk Chris into going back to school with me.  As my hetero life partner, it is my goal to drag him kicking and screaming into the future!  With Robots, Aliens, and… and… and… Oxford Commas! 

            After this, we have all discovered that 2014 is ready to rock, and ready to roll.  Like the MXC redub of that crazy Japanese show… LET’S GET IT ON!

LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                Andrew

(If you want to keep updated on my life actions and/or find my Blogs to be awesome, follow me on Blogger, and follow me on Twitter.  @ANDCauthen)

A New Dawn, A New Day

                Dang!  Long time no see Blog buddies!  You guys should come around more often.  We could be a little more realistic and say that it is my fault for not writing anything for like 2 months.  But, I think we should suspend realism for a second and possibly throw the blame somewhere else.  Mostly due to the fact that I hate being at fault for stuff like this.  There is a lot of performance pressure.  I’m only one man! 

                So, instead of taking all the blame for this one, I’m gonna blame work… and video games.  Plus, I’ve had a lot of family in town, and it would have been rude and bitter not to catch as much time with them as possible.  (Those greedy nerds.)  There we go, we’ll just blame them.  That way everyone is happy… except them.   Moving on.

                I guess I should give you a general description of how my year went.  A 2013 in review blog, if you will.  (Even if you won’t.)  Not sure where to begin because I forget a lot of stuff.   My days run together, like constantly.  My thought is that I’ll start with what I did do this past year.  And probably end with it too.

                I DID:  Turn 24, play a ton of video games, play a ton of board games, move into a new house, pay more in rent, eat more fast food, get a gym membership, keep my job, survive the entire year (even the really rough stuff), watch many Televised programs, watch lots and lots of YouTube videos, dress like a woman, AND start a blog.  Maybe you’ve heard of it, LAZY Rhino’s Blog.  On that site Blogger…  Hey, I said maybe you’d heard of it.  Now to move on to the things I didn’t accomplish in 2013.

                I DID NOT:  Turn any other age but 24 (not even mentally developed to 24 some might say), finish a ton of video games, go to the gym, move to Dallas as expected, get a new job in Dallas, die this year (crossing my fingers for another year of not dying), go out and make new friends (too busy making T.V. friends for that), like dressing as a woman, start my video blog (Vlog for you fancy types) that I wanted to start.  I certainly didn’t put it on YouTube.  So, one step forward, and one step back… I think…?

                I’m not sure what 2014 holds for me (or anyone else, for that matter).  I do know that I can’t have another 2013.  One, because it is actually physically impossible to go back in time (trust me, I’ve tried).  Two, maybe it is only improbable to go back in time.  And three, maybe I should try harder on that time machine thing.

                Never you mind on that stuff; instead pay minds to this stuff.  The present is here in every moment that we have.  Here, this time, this place.  You, reading this and me, hoping that you’re reading this.  I’ve never been one for the New Year’s resolutions.  I’ve never been one with much follow through, or one with much of anything for that matter.  But, in all this mess, I do have one thing.  One miniscule thing.  I will continue on this journey.  I will continue forward.  I will press on into the dark night and hopefully come out on the dawn of a new and glorious day.  My adventure hasn’t ended yet (may not have begun either).  So, blog friends and real friends alike, will you join me in a fabulous new year?  With more games, blogs, and terrifyingly too much insight into my personal life and time that you never honestly wanted to know about much less read a blog about.  Good.  Me too.

                                                                                                                LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                                                Andrew

(If you like this or any of my other blogs, you should follow me on Blogger and on Twitter.  @ANDCauthen and a Lazy Rhino’s Blog.  We do have fun here.)

The Slump Breaking Blog (Blurg for Short)

            Long time no type, my blog buddies.  I know it is my fault… entirely, though I do seek someone or something to blame.  I have been in kind of a “slump” if you will.  This slump has been dragging me down for the past few weeks.  Certain events happened 2 weekends ago and it has been weighing heavy on this guy.  As of now, however, I am declaring that I am breaking free of my slump.  Casting it out like the demons in the Exorcist.  (I think that movie has a happy ending, right?)  The following blog will be a slump breaking blog.  (A blurg if you will.)  This blog will be a poem in three verses and I will also do it in iambic pentameter.  I’m kidding.  That would take a lot of work and I do believe this blog is by A Lazy Rhino.  (Emphasis on the L-A-Z-Y.) 

            Life is like a board game.  Not the board game called the Game of LIFE.  That game makes no sense in any of the metaphors and similes I will be using to compare life to board games.  Life is a game of Twister with members of the opposite sex, and they’re all related to you.  It’s a hardcore game of Agricola, in which BLAKE has the corn scoop and Miranda has all the sheep and cows.  Now your family has to resort to eating clay, which as we all know is a little less than appetizing.  But at least you’re not Chris who has to resort to eating rocks just to get his family through the long harsh winter.  Life is a game of Are You the Traitor?, where Jon halts the game and arrests the key bearer.  (Even though he should know the key bearer isn’t the traitor because he is a guard.)  It is also game of Pandemic, where you draw all the epidemic cards and lose the game in the first go around the table.  (And it’s your fault cause you shuffled the deck and ended the game.)  Life is a game of Metal Gear Solid Risk, where STEVIE uses Foxdie on Solid Snake and successfully crushing your armies afterwards.  It’s a game of Sorry!  A game that is not actually apologizing for anything, because you know your sisters aren’t actually sorry for sending you back to home for the 5 millionth time.  (Getting RFed by your own family as my DAD would say.)

            You may be asking how this could possibly break a slump.  Well, these are all tiny reminders of how much fun you had, even when you lose.  Because losing builds character.  (Or in my case shows exactly how much of a sore loser I am.)  Life is a board game, much like Formula D when Blake puts Chris in the wall and you speed by to win.  It’s being simultaneously undefeated at Betrayal at House on the Hill and The Resistance.  Life is losing at Headbands, and the ensuing argument gives you the greatest catchphrase in your short history here on Earth.  (But what do I know; I’m just Rude and Bitter.)  It’s tallying the final score of Tomb and discovering you earned 50 more xp than everyone else.  Life is calling out Uno and then winning the game, actually beating the Gatekeeper (without cheating on accident) in Atmosfear, like being house champions with Alex at Beer Pong (not a board game, but still a grand achievement), life is a Table Top RPG where you don’t get killed by a slimey mimic or a Minotaur.

            You see Blurg buddies, life can be a great many games.  It is both fun and also heartbreaking at times.  But we continue to play and learn the rules.  Even if they keep changing.  I mean, it’s not like you’re playing against a Sicilian while death is on the line.  (That is one of the classic blunders of many gamers.)  And remember no matter what game Life is, it isn’t Bananagrams.  Cause that game sucks.

 

                                                                                    LAZY Rhino “CEO”

                                                                                                     Andrew

 

 

(If you like my blog, follow me on the Twitters @ANDCauthen.  Also feel free to comment and talk about the best tabletop descriptions of your life.  Or about anything else.  Yeah!!!)