Long
time no type, my blog buddies. I know it
is my fault… entirely, though I do seek someone or something to blame. I have been in kind of a “slump” if you
will. This slump has been dragging me
down for the past few weeks. Certain
events happened 2 weekends ago and it has been weighing heavy on this guy. As of now, however, I am declaring that I am
breaking free of my slump. Casting it
out like the demons in the Exorcist. (I
think that movie has a happy ending, right?)
The following blog will be a slump breaking blog. (A blurg if you will.) This blog will be a poem in three verses and
I will also do it in iambic pentameter.
I’m kidding. That would take a
lot of work and I do believe this blog is by A Lazy Rhino. (Emphasis on the L-A-Z-Y.)
Life
is like a board game. Not the board game
called the Game of LIFE. That game makes
no sense in any of the metaphors and similes I will be using to compare life to
board games. Life is a game of Twister with
members of the opposite sex, and they’re all related to you. It’s a hardcore game of Agricola, in which
BLAKE has the corn scoop and Miranda has all the sheep and cows. Now your family has to resort to eating clay,
which as we all know is a little less than appetizing. But at least you’re not Chris who has to
resort to eating rocks just to get his family through the long harsh
winter. Life is a game of Are You the
Traitor?, where Jon halts the game and arrests the key bearer. (Even though he should know the key bearer
isn’t the traitor because he is a guard.)
It is also game of Pandemic, where you draw all the epidemic cards and
lose the game in the first go around the table.
(And it’s your fault cause you shuffled the deck and ended the
game.) Life is a game of Metal Gear Solid
Risk, where STEVIE uses Foxdie on Solid Snake and successfully crushing your
armies afterwards. It’s a game of
Sorry! A game that is not actually
apologizing for anything, because you know your sisters aren’t actually sorry
for sending you back to home for the 5 millionth time. (Getting RFed by your own family as my DAD
would say.)
You
may be asking how this could possibly break a slump. Well, these are all tiny reminders of how
much fun you had, even when you lose.
Because losing builds character.
(Or in my case shows exactly how much of a sore loser I am.) Life is a board game, much like Formula D
when Blake puts Chris in the wall and you speed by to win. It’s being simultaneously undefeated at
Betrayal at House on the Hill and The Resistance. Life is losing at Headbands, and the ensuing
argument gives you the greatest catchphrase in your short history here on
Earth. (But what do I know; I’m just
Rude and Bitter.) It’s tallying the
final score of Tomb and discovering you earned 50 more xp than everyone
else. Life is calling out Uno and then
winning the game, actually beating the Gatekeeper (without cheating on
accident) in Atmosfear, like being house champions with Alex at Beer Pong (not
a board game, but still a grand achievement), life is a Table Top RPG where you
don’t get killed by a slimey mimic or a Minotaur.
You
see Blurg buddies, life can be a great many games. It is both fun and also heartbreaking at
times. But we continue to play and learn
the rules. Even if they keep
changing. I mean, it’s not like you’re
playing against a Sicilian while death is on the line. (That is one of the classic blunders of many
gamers.) And remember no matter what
game Life is, it isn’t Bananagrams.
Cause that game sucks.
LAZY Rhino “CEO”
Andrew
(If you like my blog, follow me on the Twitters
@ANDCauthen. Also feel free to comment
and talk about the best tabletop descriptions of your life. Or about anything else. Yeah!!!)
